Fall (Everything)
by yminnie
Summary: I'm sorry (I hate you) I love you (I hate you) Forgive me
1. I'm Sorry

**So this is a three chapter fic based on the BTS song I Need U.**

 **Each chapter is centered around each line of the summary.. So one for I'm sorry, one for I love you and one for forgive me.**

 **Leave a review, or give it a fav/follow and I hope you enjoy (:**

~~.~~

"Taehyung, please just listen to me."

"Why should I do that?" Even though he's across the room I still flinch at his hard tone.

"Because we need to have this conversation. We need to make things right."

He scoffs. "And by we I can only assume that you mean you," His cold glare goes straight through me as I stand rigid in place. "You mean that you need to talk. That you need to make things right." He emphasises you each time, which makes me cringe with guilt.

My eyes begin to prick with tears which I try desperately to keep from falling. I will not let things stay like this. So I cave. I say what I need to in order to get him to listen to me.

"Yes, I need to make things right."

"And how do you expect to do that?"

I take a step forward, hating the distance between us. He takes a step back in response, causing my heart to sink into my stomach. "I need you to know how sorry I am."

"How sorry you are," He repeats slowly, tasting the words for himself.

"Yes."

He turns away, taking his time to mull over my words before his dark eyes are on me again. Dull. Lifeless. "You're sorry?"

Perhaps I'm finally getting through to him. "I'm sorry."

He chuckles deeply, humorously. "So everything's supposed to be okay now? Because you're sorry?"

"Of course not." I cry. Does he think I thought that would magically fix this? "I just need you to know, Tae."

I watch as he gets up from the couch. "Well now I know."

I stand unsure as to what he's doing as he makes his way towards his bag on the floor. He picks it up, swinging it over his shoulder and then it clicks. "Babe, what are you doing?"

He glares at me again, causing me to shrink back. "Don't call me that." His voice is low and angry.

I walk up to him, holding my hands out unsure what to do with them. "You can't leave."

"You have guts to try and tell me what I can and can't do."

I stare at him my own eyes hard. He's just making the situation worse. "Why aren't you mad at Hoseok?"

That makes him mad as I watch his whole face contort into a snarl. "You want to know why?"

I nod, afraid my voice will break.

He steps forward, his movements calculated, controlled. "One," He checks off with his fingers. "I'm not dating Hoseok."

He takes another step. "Two. I didn't go out drinking with one of your best friends."

Another step. "Three. I didn't get one of your best friends drunk."

The last step; making him stand right in front of me. "And four," He leans in closely to whisper in my ear as if to tell me a secret. "I didn't fucking cheat on you."

I flinch back at his words, taking my own step back. I look at his face; it's contorted in a way that makes the Taehyung I know look almost unrecognisable. Gone is the carefree, almost naïve man that I know.

"Taehyung…"

"Don't," He holds his hand up silencing me. "I don't want to hear what you have to say. I know everything."

"No you don't!" I yell, needing him to listen to me.

His eyes widen at my outburst but he doesn't speak again, leaving an opening for me.

"You have no idea why I did it," He sighs, as if he doesn't care about a word I say.

"If you're that hell bent on informing me then fine," He says gesturing his hand for me to continue.

I take a deep breath in an effort to calm myself. Though I know that he is also in the wrong I can't help but feel as though I've made a huge mistake and telling him what happened will only set our ending in stone.

Even so.

"Things are different between us. You haven't been around as much as you used to, have you noticed that?" It's rhetorical and he knows that, choosing to stay silent. "You were never around." I emphasis hoping that he understands.

He opens his mouth to speak again but I continue. I need him to know.

"It seems so stupid now. Y/F/N got into my head. Told me that it was obvious you were cheating on me, so I -,"

"So you cheated on me."

I blink; because of course he's right.

"I knew that Hoseok liked me, so I took advantage of that. I regret that, Tae." I feel tears well in my eyes so I swallow, praying that they don't fall.

He doesn't speak for a long time as he stares at me, his eyes showing me the conflict within him as he takes in the information. I almost step towards him, any comfort I can give him will be better than this. I take a step and his eyes go blank, no longer giving me a look into his thoughts. He laughs and I freeze.

"You thought I was cheating on you, so you decided to cheat on me first. For what? To get back at me?" His voice is like ice as his accusation cuts through me.

"I needed someone," I whisper, my head hung low. "I thought you were finished with me."

"Well you're right about one thing."

I look up at him, confusion in head as I wonder what he means. His eyes are hard as he stares at me, his mouth pressed into a firm line.

"I am finished with you."

What? "No, Tae. Please. We can make this right," I don't know what I'm saying anymore but I know I need to make him stay. "We can be great again. This is just a bump in the road."

"You fucked my best friend," He yells, causing my mouth to snap shut.

What more can I say? I've destroyed this relationship and yet I still demand that he give me another chance.

"I'm sorry," I breathe helplessly.

He begins walking towards the door again, and I can do nothing to stop him. He reaches then, hand on the door knob when he turns back to look at me, his eyes glistening with tears that he's too proud to let fall.

"I hate you."

The door slams behind him as he leaves me shaking in the apartment that we once shared. My whole world shattered.


	2. I Love You

"Yoongi!"

My breath comes out in pants, disturbing the cool air in front of me as I run frantically down the street trying to catch up to the blue haired man.

"Min Yoongi!"

He doesn't even turn as he seems to get further and further away from me. My breath gets shorter and shorter as I feel my limit rushing towards me, the muscles in my legs aching from exertion. I pull my bag tighter against my body and push forward, putting all my effort into reaching him.

I finally catch him, placing a hand on his shoulder to brace myself as I double over in exhaustion. He turns quickly, surprised by the hand that suddenly grabbed him.

"What?" He asks surprise in his voice as he pulls his earphones out.

I look up at him, my face no doubt sweat drenched and puffed red. "Yoongi -," I breathe deeply. "-have you talked to Tae?"

His eyes turn hard at the mention of the man's name as he pulls himself away from me. I stumble forward slightly with nothing to balance on before I right myself and stare at him in confusion.

"Yoongi?"

His face shows an array of emotions. Surprise, hurt, annoyance, until it finally settles on anger which makes my stomach flip uncomfortably.

"Don't." He says harshly, turning away.

I reach out for him again, my fingers wrapping around his elbow. He pulls it away immediately leaving me clutching the air. He turns back to me, fire burning in his dark eyes as he looks at me like I'm the scum of the earth.

"Don't do this to him. Stop calling him every hour and stop calling the others," He runs his hand through his hair harshly. "Don't you get that no one wants to talk to you?"

His words hit me hard. I made a mistake, and now I've lost everyone that's important to me. How is that fair?

"I need to talk to him," I whisper, my throat suddenly constricted.

"He doesn't want to talk to you!" He answers each of his words hard and clear as if he's trying to get me to understand. But I do, I understand perfectly.

"I made a mistake."

"Damn right you did. And now you can deal with the consequences." With that he turns away again, leaving me on the sidewalk.

"Yoongi!" I yell one final time, hoping I might get through to him.

But Yoongi has always been the most stubborn and he only glances back over his shoulder to reply finally. "Just leave him alone."

I let him walk away.

~~.~~

Taehyung's words play in my head over and over as I sit on the couch staring blankly at the television that has long since stopped playing the show that I was actually paying attention to.

 _'I hate you.'_

How could everything change after one little mistake?

I know I fucked up, I'm not an idiot. But I never expected him to act like this. Honestly I thought if I had anyone I'd think that Hoseok would at least be here, but I guess I burned that bridge as well. It wasn't as if I was using him, I legitimately care about him, but I don't love him.

Not like I love Tae.

Heaving a sigh I push myself off the couch, walking into the kitchen and straight to the cupboard. I reach behind packets of noodles and wrap my fingers around the gin bottle I'd stashed there months ago. I grab a glass and take my seat on the couch again, staring at my phone resting on the table.

This is probably a bad idea, but I can't stand to hear Tae's words repeat in my head one more time. The finality in his voice makes me cringe as I pour myself a glass, completely disregarding the thirty mil shot indicator and bring it to my lips. The clear liquid burns as it makes its way down my throat before settling in my stomach with warmth that's almost painful.

I settle back against the couch, cradling the glass in my hands and stare at the people moving across the television screen. I can't help but wish that he was next to me right now; he'd have a comment or two about my choice of television drama for sure. And I could scold him for his insensitivity towards my interests. Just like we used to.

But he's not here now and I'm trying to deal with that.

Sometime into my self-pitying session I switched the glass for the bottle, feeling more comfortable as I drink straight from the source. With my head foggy and my stomach warm the phone sitting next to the abandoned glass begins to look increasingly tantalising. The black screen taunting me, daring me until I can take it no longer and pick it up.

The device is heavy in my hand as I swipe my shaky finger across the screen, my eyes immediately squinting at the harsh light. Through my half closed lids I can still make out the photo in the background. Tae's arms are slung over my shoulders and I hold the camera up high, both of us grinning into the flash.

I hastily click on settling and change my number to private. For my plan to work he needs to answer the phone and I know he won't if he sees it's me. I silently applaud myself for my ability to come up with such a ploy in my tipsy state.

I click into my contacts and find the name I'm looking for before bringing the phone to my ear, the loud ringing making me cringe slightly. It rings a total of four times, the lump in my throat growing the longer I'm kept waiting.

"Hello?" I almost let out a whine at the sleepiness in his voice.

I remain silent, knowing that as soon as he knows it's me he'll end the call.

"Hello?" He asks again, his tone harder. I remain silent. "Look whoever this is it's late, don't call me again."

I hear him pulling the phone away and stumble to get my voice to work. "Tae…"

The sharp intake of breath tells me he knows who I am. He sighs before speaking, his voice void of any emotion. "I think you have the wrong number. Hoseok's number is-,"

"Tae please don't!" I cut him off.

He's silent for a while and I wonder if he's going to say anything else.

"Why are you calling me?" The softness of his voice surprises me, maybe I still have a chance to make things right.

"I wanted to hear your voice."

"Yoongi-hyung told me he saw you today," He says suddenly, I say nothing so he continues. "He told you not to call me anymore, so why are you?"

He knows why. How could we just end, just like that after all the time we were together? He has to know that even though I made a stupid mistake that my feelings for him are still here burning brighter than ever.

"I love you."

He breathes heavily, I'm not sure if I imagine it or not, but they sound slightly shaky as if he's trying to stop himself from crying. "Why are you doing this to me?" He sounds so broken, his voice low and lifeless.

I did that to him.

"Tae," I begin when he cuts in harshly.

"I hate you."

Then the line goes dead.


	3. Forgive Me

**Last Chapter!**

 **I hope you enjoyed reading this, because it was quite fun to write, and when I say fun I mean it was gut wrenching.**

 **Anyway, this chapter is written as a letter from the Reader to Taehyung..**

 **Thank you for reading (:**

 **~~.~~**

 _Tae…_

 _Where do I begin?_

 _I supposed the right place would be to apologise, and not just for what happened with Hoseok, but for everything. There are so many things I want to apologise to you for Tae, but it feels wrong, cheap._

 _I don't want anything that has happened between us to feel cheap, wasted. So I'm not going to apologise now, because I've done it so many times and the words are over used and washed out, and hold only a fraction of the meaning they did in the beginning. And that's not to say that I don't want you to forgive me, because of course I do. But I won't force it on you._

 _Tae, you were the best thing to ever happen to me…_

 _…and then you became the worst._

 _I loved you with every fibre of my being, I still do. The day I met you became the best of my life, and I loved you the second you opened your mouth and greeted me, a mere fan that could only ever dream of standing in front of you, let alone becoming someone that you loved._

 _I could not have imagined what would happen during that fan sign and I'm glad my friend dragged me along, because I got to know you. And I mean the real you, not the one that you show the rest of the world. I got to know the man that was behind the box smile and the crazy antics. I got to know the you that made you more than the idol life portrayed you as._

 _I am so thankful for that._

 _But it also terrified me…_

 _I became so dependent on you, Tae._

 _I began to wonder if I really meant as much to you as you told me I did. And I shouldn't have been so insecure; I should have listened to you. I shouldn't have tried to see the bad in you, because quite frankly, I don't think there is any to find._

 _You're too good…_

 _..Too good for me._

 _And the thought of that terrified me enough to believe someone whenever they second guessed you. I began to second guess you. Because why were you with me? I was nothing special after all and yet there you were, taunting me. As if you were making sure I was comfortable before you pulled the rug out from underneath me._

 _I couldn't let that happen, Tae._

 _I wouldn't allow you to do that to me, so I did it to you first._

 _You became so imprinted in everything I did that I was so terrified to lose you and by my own hand I lost you away._

 _I guess fates cruel like that._

 _Oh, who am I kidding? I can't blame fate when it was my own stupidity…_

 _But I want you to know the whole story; I want you to know what happened between Hoseok and I. And I know it will hurt, but I'd much prefer you to hear from me than a twisted version from someone else._

 _We became distant from one another; you no longer had time for me. And I know what I was signing up for, I knew that you were busy, I know that the life of an idol is demanding and yet there was a selfish part of me that wanted you all to myself. I wanted to be the only one you saw; I wanted to be your whole world, Tae._

 _You told me that things would slow down in a few months and I believed you in an instant, because why would you lie to me? And then you told me you'd been cast in a drama and I knew that things would only get worse. That now not only did I have to share you with the other members and the rest of the world, but I would also have to share you with your cast members. And that made me jealous._

 _I thought well maybe he really is done with me._

 _I told you before that my friends gave me different ideas as to what you were really up to all those nights you never came home, only leaving me with a text message at 3am that read,_

 _'I'll make it up to.'_

 _But you never did._

 _Of course I know that none of that excuses what I did. But I was lonely and Jungkook had teased Hoseok about me when I was with them, waiting for you to finish filming. I'm not proud of it, but his words gave me the idea I needed, the opening to get back at you._

 _I invited Hoseok out after for the first night since we'd been together I didn't receive a text from you. It was petty and immature, and I can't believe I did it to you. I just asked him out for drinks, and he was down after being yelled at by the managers for not being able to get the choreography right. He'd told me the week before that he's landed on his ankle at an awkward angle during a solo rehearsal and that it had been bothering him ever since. To my knowledge he didn't tell anyone else, he didn't want to let any of you or the fans down, so he endured it._

 _And his body was starting to pay the price._

 _But that night was different. I'd never seen him so down and that made me want to console him. I'm sure he hates me now too, thinks that I took advantage of his feelings, but I didn't. I might have been angry at you, but that night made me realise that I had feelings for Hoseok. You can tell him if you want, but maybe it's best if he just hates me._

 _You're right that Hoseok and I slept together, and I'm angrier at the fact that I didn't hate myself for cheating on you afterwards. And it wasn't that I didn't love you, but I realised that I also loved Hoseok, and being with him just felt…right._

 _I wish that I could say all this to your face, to make sure that you understand. But I am too much of a coward to look you in the eye. Any of you._

 _I realised after I saw Yoongi that I had really lost you all, and that realisation was a knife to the heart that I can almost not withstand. He was so cold towards me, and I understand why. I not only broke you and Hoseok, but I broke you all. And I can't even say that it was a mistake, because it wasn't._

 _It was selfish, I will say that. And I shouldn't be surprised that things ended the way they did. I shouldn't have just assumed that you'd be a selfless enough person to stay with me, because that would have been unfair to you._

 _I'm glad you left me, Tae._

 _I only wish I could have left you on better terms._

 _If you're reading this then you finally came home to an empty apartment. I couldn't stay there. The memories that were scratched into these walls over the years were too much to bear. And I'm weak._

 _I plan on staying away. I don't want to cause any more pain to any of you; the only suffering I'll inflict is onto myself. Because it's going to kill me to stay away from you, but I will because this is my fault and I know that._

 _I had so much I wanted to say to you and yet as I sit here writing this I can think of nothing. I thought about going into everything that we've been through, the happiness we've shared. But you know all that, you were there with me. You experienced it._

 _So instead I just want to say one thing…_

 _I know you have a tendency to shut people out. And though you're hurting and angry I don't want you to seclude yourself from the people around you. I love the man whose kind to everybody, who always has something cheeky to say just to get a rise out of people. You know what I'm talking about when I say you shut people out right? We've talked about it before._

 _Tae, I want you to be happy. That is all I wish for, for your happiness and I do not want to be the reason that you never find it again. Don't be bitter, because I would hate myself if that's what became of you._

 _As selfish as it may sound, I don't want you to hate me. But I understand if you do, I ruined us after all._

 _But…_

 _…Oh god, I didn't think this would be so hard…_

 _Tae… I need to forget about me, to forget about us and move on. Perhaps I don't have any sway in what you do anymore, but you won't be able to get over us if you don't. So just, forget me okay. Please._

 _Please…_

 _You won't see me again, but I will always be supporting you. Fighting!_

 _You mean everything to me, Tae._

 _I love you…_

He reads the last three words over and over until he can no longer bear to look at them. He knows what his next line is, he's rehearsed it so many times in his head, said it out loud more times than he can count. But now the words seem wrong, so out of place.

 _I hate you_

They're simple, easy. After what you did to him he could think of nothing else to say to you, his mind blank except for those three little words. Those eight letters.

But now he's not so sure he understands the meaning of them.

Not when it comes to you.

He closes his eyes, fully aware that he's lost you for good. Hoping that perhaps one day he'll get to say the words to you.

 _I forgive you._


End file.
